Thanks Blu, this is really helpful. I've been thinking about what you said all day, actually. I am very confident that I can be happy and fine without him changing his ways or expressing any remorse. I guess that is what detachment is: and I am experiencing that more and more each day. I know one of his rants, or him telling me how unhappy and angry and how generally unsatisfactory I was, would have had me in anxious spirals and tears for DAYS a year or so ago. I look back on my old threads and all I see is me chasing him and making excuses for how horribly he treated me in response to my chasing him. I CANNOT BELIEVE I cooked meals for his freezer and took care of him while he was sick, all the while when he was throwing such horrible verbal abuse my way. I do not recognise that person and am actually a bit embarrassed by the insanity of it. I am so glad I journalled so much in those months - reading that over is the best cure for any backsliding I know of.
I bet if I was in the same postcode as you, you'd have come around to my house and given me an ACTUAL 2X4 during that time. And I'd have deserved it. I have some way to go, but I am so so happy I am not in that place any more.
Today I've been fine. I hung out with the kids, did some housework, enjoyed watching a film on my own and indulging in a bit of pampering time (I badly need the assistance of both a hairdresser and a beautician but we're only slowly coming out of lockdown here so DIY will have to do for the time being!) and did not find myself fretting and worrying and stressing about his emotional state. It is such a relief and a release. I will be fine.
The marriage may not be fine. I am more and more clear that for the marriage to work, he will need to communicate differently more consistently than he is doing now.
The decor in the downstairs room of the house is a little shabby. I have booked someone to come and give a quotation on repainting. I don't care to do it myself, H would probably want to save the money and do the painting himself but he just does not have time or energy at the moment, and we can afford it. I think getting the house into a fresher state will help if it comes to wanting to sell it. That would not be my first choice - I would prefer to buy him out - but having the option feels good to me. And I can enjoy freshly painted walls no matter what else happens.
