not where I thought I would be

[Dawn70]

(((G)))

You are a very social person, an extrovert, so I can't even begin to imagine how hard all of this pandemic, quarantine, stay home order stuff is affecting you. As an introvert, I even struggled a bit with feeling isolated and missing human contact outside that from my husband. When you factor in that you are a front-line, essential worker, in healthcare, in arguably one of the hardest hit areas of this whole issue, well, it stands to reason why you feel the way that you do. Of course, they are your feelings, regardless of all the extenuating circumstances and as such, you do not owe anyone any sort of explanation about them.

Having said all that, I do agree, to a point, with both kml and MLCxH. I don't think you miss M so much as you miss the idea of what might have been, but you know in your heart of hearts that he wasn't right for you because you were not getting your basic needs met by him and he was not far enough along in healing from his own D to be able to properly enter another R and meet that person's needs. He just had too much baggage both from his D and from his own personal issues. Like kml said, don't fall into old thought patterns. You were NOT being too needy. Go back and read your posts from that time and really think about them. You were bending too much of what you wanted to fit what he was willing to give and while that may work in the short run, in the long run, you would be the one who suffered for it.

I also agree with MLCxH in that you do seem to place a lot of value on being in a relationship and that is not the be all end all. I get that you have been single for a long time, but you have accomplished SO much to be proud of in that time and mostly by yourself. That is something that is difficult and you should be so proud of how strong, accomplished and amazing you are. It is easy for me to sit here and say relationships are not the be all end all when I'm in one, but I felt that way before I found Sparky and I was truly content in the thought that I might never marry again. I wasn't willing to compromise for just anyone and you need to hold on to that stance as well. You are an amazing woman. I still believe, whether you do or not, that there is someone out there for you and when the time is right, your paths will cross. Until then, DO NOT SETTLE!

I wish I had advice for you on the friend thing. It does get harder as we get older to make new friends and with all the stuff going on in our world right now, it is even more difficult. My heart hurts for you that you feel so lonely and disconnected. I'm always here to chat and you know how to find me. We might live in 2 different worlds in many ways, but I can be your friend from afar and we can have virtual drinks or something if that would help.

You really are amazing, G. Truly. You are beautiful, smart, hard-working, a great mom......you have so much going for you. I tell my daughters all the time that I wish I could give them the ability to see themselves through my eyes and I wish I could give you that ability as well...to see yourself through the eyes of others instead of your own eyes since we are always our own worst/harshest critics.