One thing that has really struck me is how much her H milked the 'but you threw me out' line, and I realized this is one of the things I'm trying to avoid. I know, know, know he will do this and it will be awful. He may say it to others, he may say it to the children, and I know he will throw it in my face. And I simply don't want to give him that ammunition.
This is manipulation on his part and control on your part.
Why does this bother you so much? I guarantee the first thought in anyone’s mind would be “what did you do to deserve that?” and the second thought would be “I bet you cheated on her”. Wives don’t just go around throwing out husbands for no reason. People tend to know what’s up.
Also, unfortunately, it’s likely he’s already been poisoning the well about your character, if not to friends and family, certainly to the OW. Although who cares what she thinks, honestly. Point is, you can’t control what he says and you shouldn’t base your actions on attempting to control the outcome.
As for the kids, it would be a teachable moment about boundaries and consequences. I sense your belief that you’d have to own the guilt for breaking up the family. Please, please do not allow your H to manipulate you into owning HIS guilt. You do not owe it to your children to stay and you don’t want them resenting you later for making that assumption.
Imagine people reacting to “I took my H back after his three year affair.” Now imagine the reaction to “I threw my H out after his three year affair.” I’m doing it now and imagining only applause and approval. There’s no shame in having strength in your convictions if you do decide to leave. The punishment more than fits the crime.
