WW post D (Thanks BenB part 4)

[Mumin]

First off thanks everyone for your answers the past few days!
I read DB several times a day but come here myself for what I would call group-therapy.
Writing here is therapeutic itself and it helps me focus.
However I do believe I need (more and more) to disconnect from DB and my new life as a process and just live it.

The past week with kids and family was great! Kids had a blast most of the time and I got some time to work a few hours here an there.
We did go to W's father and had coffee and fresh strawberries. Were there for about two hours.
Mostly talked about everything and nothing but a short convo about the sitch.
Father in law: I am very glad you came! I understand you may not want to talk about it but I really do hope you and W can get a functional/ liveable/ workable (not sure about translation) situation together. I guess its up to you to...
He didn't finish his sentence because I said: IMO its up to her now.
Then I went and comforted D3 who fell.


Yesterday me and the kids drove home, actually had my first road kill of a small roe deer.
Poor thing.
When we arrived home I cleaned up and did all the laundry. A180, that felt SO good.
Me and W used to sometimes leave packed bags for a week+ after coming home form a vacation.

W wrote she'd be coming home late (we hadnt agreed on a specific time).
I got worked up but waited a while and collected my thoughts and just replied:
"That's up to you but the kids are expecting to see you today so you have to be more clear on whether you are coming home after bedtime or not." (She told them on her call last thursday, "see you sunday")
She replied "oh, of course then I'll be home by bedtime."

Interactions last night and this morning were minimal. I was short in my replies as she started some conversations here and there. ("Ok", "thats good" etc)
Only things I mentioned was some of the activities the kids had been doing and the fact that our car will need some service.

The past weeks mood swings with W have been a good reminder of DBing and the new me.
I have been able to give it time and respond (or not) with a logical thought process, rather than emotions.


Regarding OM, Steve you are right that my emotions are all about me finding out about OM.
However, I still have my feelings about introducing new people in a child's life.
I will eventually voice my opinions and then try as hard as I can to expect nothing.
I have started working on an email/text with some things for her to consider.
Ex.
I want us to move to having the kids a week at a time (today 2,2,3).
If she cant decide on the house I will start looking for other places for me and the kids.
My view on introducing new partners to the kids.
I will get a new car, for myself. (This might take months because of my job so might wait with bringing it up.)

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This week I am working again and was offered an apartment much closer to the city for the week, so I took it.
Since daycare is closed for four weeks it wouldn't really be possible to work full time from the house.
I will spend some time to myself, read, GAL and it will give the kids some quality time with their mother.
I might spend a night or two at the house.
I will enjoy the week as it comes at me.

Today I feel empowered.
I know I don't need her.
I know I will be alright. I'll be great in fact!
My kids will be alright. Although I want a solid family for them I really cant provide that, so I will be their ROCK.
I am their ROCK. Even D3 is showing tendencies to prefer dad.

Also in my plan for this week:
Hitting the gym hard at least 4 times
Intermittent fasting
Golf
Night out with some friends
Visiting a friend who's working in a cafe, on an island
Start to research which kind of car I want (Prob SUV or a powerful family car)
If I go home I will spend some time working in our yard

"Remember, two people can only argue or fight if they both engage in it!"

CW, this is very powerful in DB but I just realized it is even better post D. Thanks!