It bums me out that he can just decide what he wants and you are available and ready. I feel like it should be the other way around. May decides what she wants in an H and partner and he is willing and ready to do anything and everything to try and make it work. That is how I imagine this needs to play out. I know people get piszed off when I say this, but people don't want what they can (walk all over) and have. They deem the person as weak and naturally lose respect for them. He has made other comments that suggest he sees you as needy/sad/waiting for him and he almost thrives on the power of being able to comfort you. Even tho he is the soul reason you have been pushed down. This is what we mean by manipulation. It really makes my blood boil. May, you are the prize. You are the queen! He should be so lucky if you ever consider taking him back at all! And next time he brings up the SSM and I don't know if I can forgive you (wah wah wah) maybe you can put your hand up and say stop, that was a long time ago in the past and we have bigger issues in front of us now. Then exit the room.

Have you ever read advice from the vet Starsky? That man was amazing. He was posting a lot when I started reading here 6-7 years ago and his words were pure gold. He had a way of advising people how to confidently and firmly disengage and put up strong boundaries. He was also very clear on what you need to see/hear before even considering their attempts at recon. If he were still around he would have called your Hs BS and bluffs every time. We don't have anyone like him on the boards anymore. But if you can look him up and find his advice, please do. I recall a female poster named Train and I think he helped her with some similar stuff.

In the mean time, it also bums me out to read how much focus we all put on him. What does he want, what is he doing, will he choose AP or you, he was so sad and fell over and cried, and then he was Mr H & dad, and now hes ending it again because we are 100% doing this for the kids, etc, etc, but really something is missing here. May, a M is about two people that have mutual respect & commitment to one another. He hasn't proven that in almost 3 years. Why does he get to just come and go from you to AP to you as he pleases? What about May?

What kind of H and partner do you want in this lifetime? There is nothing about this man that sounds desirable in any way. I am sorry, but I don't see it. And please know that this is not 100% for the kids. Kids love their parents and would not want them to stay in a loveless M for them -- over time that leads to resentment both ways. Your kids deserve to see how a man should treat a woman (and vice versa) and I don't think this is it.

Can we just stick your H aside for a minute and focus on you? What have you been doing for GAL? What do you want for you and you only? How do you feel about telling him to F off for awhile so you can sort out what you really want in an intimate partner?

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela