And just now, another example: H on the phone counseling a younger friend on her relationship problems, just like he used to do with friend-who-is-no-longer-his-friend. For years he counseled this friend and complained about the drama to me, said how dumb dating was now, how glad he was to be M to me, to be an adult and not “a kid,” how happy he was, etc (yet I was supposed to realize he was unhappy?).He says now to new friend he doesn’t understand guys, guys are stupid—a refrain of his. I want to roll my eyes. How can he presume to give any advice? I know he doesn’t have much self-awareness right now... or sometimes historically. Also: Who would take R advice from a guy who said he wanted a D yet had done nothing for a whole year? See, I’m still judging, still attached enough to let this exasperate me, if only temporarily. Still wanting to say, H, an adult R takes work! ... not the most kind thing. I sound a little resentful tonight, don’t I? I suppose I have to understand H probably gets much self-esteem from counseling others like this, from separating himself from “guys,” even if to me now this is a little hypocritical.
Sometimes to let go I have to let this out. Thanks for reminding me I am human, wooba.
I guess on separating behavior from person, I think of disagreeing with behavior but at the same time being able to have compassion for the person. I think you are doing that. In disagreeing, maybe there is some judgment involved. But also, as you say, working on letting go of any anger or resentment that comes with it.
