Thanks for your insight and reminders to take it slow – very slow. I can see how easy my old self, the decisive fix-it self is trying to sneak in, and how detrimental it can be to the entire healing process, for H, me, us. I started reading Westo’s thread beginning about the time her H moved back home. From the few pages so far, I think it will be helpful to validate my feelings, and get insight on how to navigate this new road I am on.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Keep the pressure low, very low. It will take 1 or 2 years for him to feel like himself again; to feel comfortable in his own skin. He will have set backs; don’t focus upon those, keep moving forward with compassion.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Enjoy the time together and the company. This is a new relationship you are creating; like dating. Don’t bring all the heavy talks on the first dates.
I will do exactly that – enjoy our time together, but no pressure or R talks. H picked me up for lunch today. We had a nice time. Went back to his place afterwards and watched a few episodes of a new season of a series we had watched together. I did not bring up anything heavy or R related at all. He made a comment about his emotional state, and I just said that I wanted him to know he can take all the time he needs to work through things. Things are obviously weighing very heavy on his mind. While watching our program, he said he really had missed me, missed hanging out like we were. I said I did too. He said, “ok. Good.” That was it.
It was a nice day. I will wait for him to contact me again.
I’m glad I didn’t try to draw the conversation to anything heavy. I certainly don’t want him to avoid me because he thinks that I plan to grill him every time we get together. The urge is a bit strong sometimes, I won’t lie. But I will persevere.
Gerda, my friend. Thanks for stopping by. I understand why you would advise me to perhaps take some time between visits to reinforce the strides I have made for myself. I will do that this week. Work, my gym, bible study, chatting on the phone with girlfriends, having meals with my kids, snuggling with my cat, and enjoying my backyard wildlife are all I need for the next several days. This weekend I saw a bobcat, and a deer comes sometimes twice a day to see if the squirrels left any corn for her.
