May just knowing how your H is I don't think he's trying to suck you back in on purpose. I also don't think he's choosing the married life because he thinks you'll make his life hell. I think for the first time he's realizing he isn't going to get his sadistic little way with his happy little family of 5 scenario. I think he's actually starting to weigh plan a1 and a2 against each other and it's scary. I also think like my H whatever the h3ll is coming out of his mouth at that exact moment is what he truly believes in that exact moment. I think you were right to say yeah but you might not feel this way tomorrow. I think that's the reality here. Right now in this moment this is what he wants. In 2 days it may be something else. Is there any way you can ask him to give you like a 3-5 hiatus on these MR talks? Can you just say I need to think about what I really want to do here. I think we both need to talk to our ICs. I think we both need to just not talk about the MR, the A, the AP, the d@mn trip. Just co-exist for a handful of days and both just think on this. Just so you can get a foothold here, May. And maybe lay out exactly what it is you're going to need and if H can see him self complying with what you need without seeing it as perpetual punishment for "falling in love." I mean I was raised very Catholic so we can break it down into penitence you think that's easier for him to swallow..lol. But he's gotta understand if he's all in he's all in. He doesn't get to control the narrative of how that part of your R history get closed. He opened that effed up chapter. You get to close it if he wants you. And you really need to sit with and decide is risking that he'll change his mind again worth it. Is trying for another 4-6 months worth your time and energy or not. There's so much to unpack here May. Can I come over and tell him to just STFU for like 3 days and learn to process in his head like a normal adult? Thinking of you. xoxoxo
