Friday night S18 and I put together and tried to install the new headboard which was listed to be 78" in long when in reality it was 74" long... Definitely 4" short and unable to attach the board to the frame. :-( Overall was tired and frustrated... (and thinking that H would know how to finagle it to work right.... <<<< I recognize this is poor thinking on my part but appreciate the fact that I did not act on it)
It was soooo hot yesterday. I planned to walk 20min into town to watch the fireworks last night alone but at the last minute my son said he would join me as his plans fell through. It was super great to have the company. Fireworks are not his thing as he has sensory issues so I appreciated his time. We had a good chat on the way there.
I was surprised that he told me that H texted him last week mentioned that he may not come to party and gave some work excuse. I know the excuse is invalid and the real excuse is that he would feel uncomfortable around my family given the current situation... even though his mother will be there along with the young nephews. I'm not focusing on it
S18 also told me he texted H last Friday over a lawn mower issue. For starts I'm surprised that S18 would even do that given how overly angry he is at H right now... AND, I'm even more surprised that H answered him. It wasn't an offer of help --- no shock there. S18 seemed resigned though very frustrated he would have to figure it out himself.
I've had a couple of nice chats with SS20 who is finally stateside now but still 1/2 a country away. He commented on a couple of my FB posts so I messaged him to keep it private. I don't really know how my H would feel about staying in contact with SS20 and frankly don't care but I don't SS20 put in a tight spot. We had all hoped he would be home this month (and make it to grad party) but he is still a month away from being home. SS20's gf is going to make it out for a 5 day visit. I sent SS20 some cash so they could go out to a really nice fancy place for dinner. I reminded him that when he finally makes it home to stop by - have some things here for him.
I get through most of my days fairly well. Staying busy at work helps. I realize that right now at this moment I'm completely miserable. A HUGE chunk of me just wants to fast pace the D and get it over with... another part wants to say stuff it and keep that FO in place for as long as possible, move everything at a snails pace so he has to do all his dirty work and be reminded of the choices he made... and even a smaller part of me says I need to learn patience and to do just literally NOThING and that things may look so much different in 30 days, in 60 days, etc.
^^^^ With all that running through my head I'm too emotional to make a decision that I wouldn't end up regretting or second guessing later. So I'm just going to let it sit like background noise for the time being.
I'm going to move forward working my @ss off to let him go... and for now just pretend all the legal stuff doesn't exist and to quit thinking about it.
Last edited by job; 07/05/2001:37 PM. Reason: edited language