Thank you wayfarer and scout. Wayfarer- thank you for showing me another way to view this.
Well, H moved the ball a bit by emailing me a doc about co-parenting arrangements. Upon receiving it, I saw the door opened. The door for me to walk out. I felt anxious, but relieved. Anyways, I don’t want to go into the detail too much as I am still digesting it myself. Will say more about it later possibly.
Today he came over to see the kids and initiated a talk regarding the kids and money. I was at ease, just listening and validating. And then I zoned out for a few seconds and was just looking at him...his avoidant eyes, the wear on his face...this man whom I love/loved. I just wanted to ask him, “are you okay?”
Well I didn't, instead a couple tears rolled down my face. I let it happen. We kept the conversation going still. In the end I asked if he wants to start taking some more of his stuff away. He didn’t give an answer but just mentioned that he realized that he has a lot of clothes, and noted a few big items that will be difficult to move.
Overall I am grateful that H is acting decent so far. Although I still see a tiny bit of manipulation from his words wanting to draw fear from me (intentionally or not) I am finally at a good place to be bulletproofed from that.
When I envisioned 50/50 visitation before I’ve already tried really hard to let go of my desire of having a lot of time with the kids. Sooner or later I’d have to let go right? It is the hardest thing for me to come to terms with, yet I know having time away from them would be helpful for me to GAL and having my own independence. To find ME again.
Just trying to say positive through this whole ordeal...
