not where I thought I would be

[Ginger1]

Previous Thread:

more of the same

I guess I'll start another thread, I need to get some things off my minf.

I was thinking about where I was last year this 4th of July. I was spending it with M and his family. He had to drop his son off with his ex and the police station and he invited me. I drove with them. His son wanted me to come in with them, but of course I didn't. I remember feeling so close to them that day and I just felt happy. 2 days later we went to his friend's bbq with the kids. The day after that we left for our "family" vacation (he called i that). It's been a year. I should be over it by now, but I mourn the loss of what I thought it might have been.

Today, I worked. Then I came home to an empty house. Not invited to any parties. It's just me. I ordered in some dinner. I had a beer. ALone. Everything is alone these days.

Truth be told, I feel like the biggest loser (not the TV series kind). No friends, no partner, no family. Just me, ANd it has left me feeling like a huge loser. I have the most contact with my exH Ouch!

Rough week at work. Luckily I have some great support at work. I did actually realize I should have went for that managers position. I would have been really good at it. ANd i could have quit my second job. But I will trust everything is happening for a reason.

I have another date this week. I guess I don't have a problem getting dates. But I have trouble connecting with them. Maybe this one will be a little better.

I'm going to go have another beer now with my dog because then it's not drinking alone