The key thing for you to remember is that NONE of this precludes reconciliation. I think you will let go of your fear once you accept this.
I had another thought on civility that I couldn't add above.
I believe that abusive partners use our inherent goodness and desire to keep the peace as a way to keep us under the thumb. X once lambasted me in a rage for not being civil. He had taken house keys without my knowledge and let himself in. When I expressed my surprise and concern, and asked for the keys back, and let him know he had crossed a boundary, he said "If you want this to be civil, don't start sh!t with me".
Translation: "Let me do whatever I want or I'll retaliate."
