Being divorced is going to be better for you than this current situation is. Being R'd is going to be better for you than this current situation is. You cannot possibly loose as each step to being a co-operative co-parent, dealing with your own fears, setting clear boundaries and sticking to them and not taking on board the silly nonsense he puts your way is a step towards both divorce and reconciliation: healthy marriages and civilised divorces lie in the same direction. I am almost sure of this.
I was thinking about this, Alison. here's the problem. I don't WANT a civilized divorce with him with her in the picture. I know this is the anger talking but I want a scorched earth, all our friends choosing me and ostracizing him, taking him to the cleaners and he lives a sad and shallow D-bag life in a pathetic small apartment kind of divorce. I guess I'm coming around to the not needing to say or be too awful in person because I don't want to look deranged or have my children see any of that, but in the honest truth I would want to say "direct all correspondence to my L" and wear sunglasses and never make eye contact when we swap out the children. I'm a looooooong way from being OK with a civilized friendly D.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
