I HEART you Steve. It is who he is. I asked him while he was "home" during quarantine why he kept cheating and lying for months after I first found out... why do that instead of just being honest or whatever... I was seeing a great counselor at the time and she told me I was in full on PTSD. No one seems to talk about that much here. The trauma. I was not steady at all. I guess I am still not steady. She kept saying I needed some "safety" and I would tell him that and all his lies were about constructing a false sense of safety and security. Calling to check on me ten minutes before seeing her, constructing elaborate timelines of his movements etc. Anyway, I asked him why he kept lying and cheating and he said "I guess I wanted to see how much I could get away with."
I don't think I am here trying to stand for my M or save it or anything. Not after that. Even though he says he doesn't want a divorce, isn't sure how he feels or what he wants. I am just trying to get through each day and figure out how to put one foot in front of the other. Is it still okay for me to be here?
Please read what job wrote. DBing is about saving you! If in the process your WAS wakes up and decides to work on the marriage then you get to make a decision. So keep DBing and keep posting.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
