Thanks Dilly - sometimes I think I've got to acceptance, and sometimes I worry that I never will ...
We were messaging earlier regarding drop offs for the kids and he closed by saying "Also - further to our conversation a few weeks ago I told the children on the same day that I am seeing someone. I am going to introduce the girls to her briefly tomorrow. I thought you should know in case the girls say something to you". A stock response from me "No problem. Appreciate you letting me know".
I don't know how I feel about this. I go back to the I am not upset that he has met someone. I am upset that he has met someone and I have not. It is that sense of being alone I guess. He will be with her tonight (he has arranged for the girls to stay with his mum) and I will be on my own. So, perhaps I have not reached acceptance. I do think I have gotten to understanding. He was lonely. He has been lonely for a long time (thus the online dating and engaging in inappropriate relationships which were all about feeding his ego).
He met someone soon before lockdown (I think) and the covid thing brought them closer together and now that we're coming out of it he has to make a decision one way or another because real life will resume and he won't be able to keep a relationship under wraps the way he could keep casual dating under wraps.
I understand. I accept. But understanding and acceptance keeps the anger and the unhealthy outward behaviour at bay but it doesn't help with the feelings of loneliness or sadness. It has been so long since I have felt a real human connection and I know that that is on me and not on him.
It is worrying that he told the kids weeks ago and neither has mentioned it to me. They've been bottling it up - either from a desire not to hurt me, or because they have been processing it themselves. It worries me that they do not feel they can tell me. It must be such a burden for them. Note: I am not blaming him for putting that burden on them. He did what he thought was right. He would have (I hoped) shared the information gently. He would have (I hope) given them the option to meet her or not. Actually, I don't know if he gave them the option. Without asking them I will never know. I cannot ask him because he will rage at my asking the question.
I wish DejaVu6 was still around as she had some insight into children.
