Hello my May, I'm always reading along. Every day, twice a day I check on you. I'm always checking on everybody, but I'm in a weird place right now, and I don't have much to offer other than long distance virtual love and support.
And yes Hamilton was one of the last things we did as a family and everyone in this house is so excited but we likely won't be able to sit down and watch it until Sunday. We have 3 small grill outs between today and tomorrow. Oh yeah I'm a wife in public again at least for now...lol. As to Hamilton though, don't let AP taint this for your girls. Your mood and stress level will be felt by them. You can let go that this a "family" thing if you need to to get through it, and focus on that this is for those kiddos. That this is something they adore. The way they adore each of you. And they'd really like to do this together. Look at this as practice for a life time of events where you have to play nice and get out of your head and chest for the benefit of your babies. Recitals, plays, parent teacher conferences, dances, graduations, weddings. This is all a part of your future if you're on a path to S/D and no time is better than the present to start feeling out how you can handle these things.
As to the trip. The conversation he was being a complete nut job. And I don't know that I would've agreed to anything in that moment either. But I'm with scout and Allison. This has control issue written all over it. And H calling you out on that made you dig your heels in even more. Because girl, trust me in the heat of the moment I would've done the same d@mn thing. So seriously no judgement on that at all, but a little baby pile on 2x4. He is a good dad. He is a safe dad. Two 5 day trips is no different than like sleep away camp. I know it was your idea and you're p!ssed. I know H doesn't deserve your kindness. Or to stay awesome in your daughters eyes, but you can't take away things you know in you're head are wonderful, healthy options because your heart is screaming FFFF***********KKKK YYYOOOOUUUU to H. You can plan a separate 5 day trip with the girls. You can take those 10 days and just scream and cry, and let all of this out with out having to steel yourself around the girls. Or pretend everything is normal. You can pack all of H's stuff. You can rearrange the house. Or go get the puppy and start training. You can do more planning, research and list making about D/S, I see you girl. I know those post-its and binders are calling your name. I would and would've killed for H to have taken the girls and let me process literally any of this with out all of us being on top of each other. This could be a good thing for all of you if you let it be. If there was ever a time to let go and let god, I think these little summer excursions are it.
Last as far as attorneys go, this is based on my experience in courts. Especially in family matters, go with the attorney who makes you feel comfortable and feels familiar. She will see you at some of your lowest moments. She will be there cheering you on when you get what you wanted. All divorce attorneys are bull dog attorneys from my experience. But the serious ones....ugh, we don't like them in court, we don't like them in mediation, and unless they have a super serious client you can always see there's a strain. This stuff is hard and even in the best of circumstances with custody and placement, a house, and, probably a retirement you're looking at spending a year or more with this person. Who can you see yourself talking with weekly for the next year? And who are you going to feel good about paying an ungodly amount of money to for those billable 30 mins you just sobbed on the phone for? That's who you want. They are paid to fight for you. Any divorce attorney will. The question is more, who would you rather be there fighting beside you?
