I went to the dentist yesterday and came home to H finishing his IC session. He gave me a sad look and said he wasn't OK, he had had a panic attack a half hour before his call and was freaking out, has never had a panic attack before, blah blah blah. I said, OK. Are you OK now? he said no. I said, I'm sorry. and then disengaged. Later he said he could tell that I really felt a lot better after my IC appointment yesterday and I confirmed. I said (maybe shouldn't have but I did) that it really helped me start to focus on myself, confirmed for me that boundaries are not threats. He said I don't even know what your boundaries are excepting not wanting to talk about AP. I said, things like not being friends, not playing happy family on a trip, etc. I'll make decisions in my own best interest and that of the children. He got super quiet and left the room.
STANDING OVATION.
You handled this really well.
Watch for what happens next. He's probably going to go full on self pity - there might be crying, not-eating, wafting around the house looking ostentatiously miserable. Talking long and loud about what a horrible person he is and how terrible he feels about himself. If he does this, he's still looking for a 'there there' from Mommy and what you're looking for is an adult, a partner, a man who can make a decision and take responsibility for clearing up his mess.
I am so glad you are feeling better May. Don't be afraid of your anger. It is your rocket fuel for getting unstuck.
