Separated 11 wks, WAH wants to reconcile (part 4)

[Pommy99]

Things will be hard when you get into piecing. And if he happens to be down or sitting in the discomfort of examining his own issues and shortcomings right as she reaches out, are you sure he will have the willpower to turn away? Or will he just check back in to see how she's doing, make sure she's OK, etc... and then what? I just feel like every single book on this subject says that the ONLY way to get past this is 100% cold hard NC, blocking on phones and social. You not doubting for one minute she will be back in touch... I think you have to deal with that worry decisively before you feel OK about inviting him back

The thought of him being in contact with her is not sitting well with me at all and I do feel I need to have a further discussion on this. I would like him to block her on his phone and whatsapp although I havent yet talked about this. His view is that if she reached out he would exchange pleasantries but keep her at arms length. What does that mean? That it's ok to check in on each other and say hi when they feel like it, or to simply resopnd every time she reaches out? To me that's not OK. I dont see any reason for them to maintain contact at all if he's committed to working things out with me. He should be protecting his marriage shouldnt he, and not worrying about hurting her feelings. In my view it would better to nip it in the bud now (i.e. block her number) rather than wait for a situation to develop whereby it becomes awkward to break contact. She knows full well that she was tapping into a married man, and therefore shouldnt be in any way surprised/hurt if she cant get hold of him.

I have read through Alison's threads from about 12 months ago and I've got as far as November. There is so much good advice and so many great questions in there. I do need to read it more slowly and absorb and reflect on the content however.

At the moment, I'm confused, I'm questionning whether recon is the right thing to do, I'm still heavily clouded by the events of the last 12 months. I dont feel ready to move forward with letting him come home because of my own fear that we will slip into old ways, and my lack of trust. I do like the idea of MC/couples therapy to get us moving forwards.

I really want to feel like I've got this but truth is I dont - I feel like i did 6/9/12 months ago, where every day was filled with anxiety and uncertainty, and the R being on my mind 24/7.

Thanks for your support May x