Moving On Rather Slowly

[Pommy99]

I think I shook my head and said, the kids will be fine. Then I went into a split proposal of when he could spend time with them every day after school and then take half the weekend. That I'd looked at rentals and finances and we could afford for him to have a separate place, that it was stupid for him to want to live in the basement to save money. That wouldn't be good for any of us. These were my truths in the moment, about how I saw the future. In that moment, the 75% part of me didn't really care what my telling him would make him think or do. The 25% hopeful part of me was thinking OK, I am showing him what S/D will really look like and maybe popping his fantasy bubble and confronting the reality of the situation will help him choose to stay. Does he need to live it to understand it? Or could it be like Scrooge's dreams in A Christmas Carol, enough to make him change?

I think he needs to live it to understand it. He knows what it *might* feel like for him, but he has so far proved he is unable to see things from anyone else's perspective and still holds on to this pipe dream of being a happy family of 5. I suspect he will be unprepared for the fallout of breaking up a family, and how the children are going to react (I think this is so much of an unknown, no matter how much you prepare them for the changes ahead). Re the holiday scenario, I dont see you as being petty. Does he really think that during this period uncertainty (which clearly your D has already picked up on) the girls will want to spend 2/3/4 weeks away from their home and their mum? They might not want to go with him at all - has he considered that? Whether you frame it as being for their benefit not to go for a prolonged period, or for your own benefit, you are not in the wrong, and it's ok to say "I'm not ready for this right now". He's taken away your M, your H, potentially your home and now the children, all on his terms? He doesnt get to have it all his own way, it doesnt work like that!! That's not to say you should be confrontational and controlling, or that you treat the children as commodities, but it's ok to say that you need more time to adapt. The children will too.