Living with a WAS/MLC husband...who does not care

[BlueSea]

Bluesea, please consult a L and protect yourself (and your kids) financially...Do you have a separate account which H has no access of?

Wooba - thank you! I did consult an L and if it does go to D, there will be a reckoning, a forensic accountant will go thru all the accounts with a fine tooth comb. H was 'gracious' enough to remark that he would be willing to pay me back... half. Don't get me started.

Know that the way H is treating you is NOT okay and you deserve nothing less than to be shown respect and kindness to say the least.

I have to say the above is really confusing to me....LH had said that I just need to eat my $hit sandwiches, so I thought that was what I should be doing. I totally get that - I mean, we landed here (partly) b/c of my crappy wife ways, so all those resentment bricks in his wall against me, I am responsible for... has he completely taken advantage of that and is grinding me into the ground... he definitely is, no doubt. I have some latitude for this, because I feel contrite about the role I played.... but there is a limit. And honestly, I know, deep down he has to go. He has gone over that limit and then manipulates me to reel me back in. I keep moving my own line in the sand. That is all on me.

I wonder if you and your kids could go stay somewhere else for a week or two, like with a relative or a friend? I think this will give you the space you need to start to relax and figure out what is going on without having him in your face all the time, and with the underlying current of fear that his super erratic and mean behavior is generating. I think you need this in order to be the strong and stable parent like Wooba says.

Hi May - I really don't...I don't have real life folks that know about this situation, and I just can not leave my kids here alone with him either. I would end up stressing more about not being there and what is going on, then focusing on next steps. I actually do have 1 person that knows about this, I asked her about her divorce and she was kind enough to step thru it all for me. I am going to her house tonight, she has an uncanny ability to center me. Without reading all this DB techniques, she was well versed on all of it. I had one talk with her and she got me to the mental point of addressing him about leaving (then poof he got rid of the OW). I hope tonight's visit will be just as productive!

Thank you for being there for me - we do have similar struggles with the H in the house. Though their attitudes towards us are quite different. Yours is chatty, mine could split rocks with his icy stares - and never says anything. They both are manipulative. Thanks for checking in... I do read your thread...there is so much good advice coming at you already, I don't chime in. I do care about you too!