To you. This is the third time you thought he'd go dark forever and our prediction was strongly contrary. As you say, he actively looked (in your calendar) for a reason to contact and bait you, and found it.
Originally Posted by KitCat
No worries though I just rolled over and went to sleep.
Great. I imagine KitCat earlier on being manipulated by that text and thinking "Maybe I should just let him know I'm not taking him to court.. otherwise (control dream) he might worry and get angry at me." The problem is you're struggling to maintain NC and he's not going to stop baiting you until he succeeds.
Have you yet dug into that "something else" that keeps you touching the stove--by not blocking him, by eventually being baited into contacting and then spinning at his response? Steve proposed an irrational fear that he'll attempt to R once and only once by text or phone. It's also possible you're following a dysfunctional pattern (first documented by Freud) of attempting to repeat a trauma (keep reading his messages) to show mastery over it (no spinning, no contact)? "Seeking out those relationships now means recreating history and changing the outcome, thereby gaining mastery over what we couldn't control". True mastery isn't showing you can be burnt without feeling pain, true mastery is to stop touching the stove.
I don't know. I can tell you for once I WAS NOT spinning. Don't laugh but when the text notification popped up before I even looked somehow I knew it was him... weird because I do text others fairly frequently. Sometimes I just think the universe lets you feel its force.
ANYWAY -- my female bff told me I should reply "are you snooping?? .. you should really stop that. this is personal and I'm not asking about your plans"
^^^^^^ OK that was hilarious because that was word for word what he sent me 2 weeks ago. ***NO ONE SLAM ME FOR THIS. Laughter is great medicine and this was funny.
Besides it is humorous to see him spin and sweat thinking we have a court date scheduled and somehow he doesn't know about it... on the other hand he would just state this is another reason we aren't together because I lie and deceive him.
Well this girl has her big girl panties on... but we aren't talking granny panties... and we'll leave it at that.
I'm having a super fantastic day. They won't all be like this. I won't lie I woke up Monday morning crying... I get that some days will be rougher than others. I've accepted that H is gone. I accept that I'm still allowed to be sad about my imploded M. I get that I have things to work through. One day at a time.
Now if they would just open the ports by September I could go sailing. If I could take some more time off work I could take another trip to a beautiful lake with wonderful cabins... sadly I can't take off that much time so close together.
I'm being busy the best way I know how... I forgive myself for the days that are more of a struggle than others.
