First, wooba, congrats on starting a business with your friend! No matter what one's situation is in life, it seems to me that it is always difficult to balance kids, work, self-care, and all the rest, and I wonder if there is ever a perfect balance, or, even if that was achievable, if we would recognize it. Anyway, all that is to say it makes total sense to me that you're exhausted! It already sounds like you know you are doing your best and allowing yourself time to adjust to the new aspects of your life.
I admire your ability also to reflect after the OW news, which, as you write, is maybe not NEWS, but of course it still stings. Of course there are feelings of anger and betrayal. Yet, I think because you have done the work to get to this point, you can step back and remind yourself that it is not about you, still about him:
Originally Posted by wooba
And most importantly the need for action - "what do I do now? Shouldn't I DO something with this anger and betrayal?" I asked myself.
But emotions settled rather quickly for me. Is this the illusion of action? What has changed in my sitch? nothing really. I have braced myself for OW already. I know what he's doing, it's textbook WAS/MLC stuff. running...running...running.
You sound detached in such a healthy way. And then when H was over, you were surprised that you didn't feel that anger and resentment toward him. You recognized that he's probably feeling guilt and shame. That seems to me like compassionate indifference. Does it feel that way to you? I want to get to this place of strength! I think I'm there sometimes, but not all the time.
Originally Posted by wooba
So what now? For awhile I thought that the day I find out about OW will be the end of it. I will file for D. On one hand I scoff at the memory of him months ago saying "I don't want you using our[or did he say my?] money to date other guys!" when he wanted to separate the finances. Now he's using our money to date? ugh. and on the other hand this is all so ridiculous and predictable that I'm don't even feel like it's propelling me to file for D.
Why isn't it though? Am I waiting for A to burn out? Or am I just a big procrastinator when it comes to taking legal action?
Does it have to do with what you wrote above?
Originally Posted by wooba
Anyways, my point is I feel like there is no immediate need for me to be legally "not-married," and I do feel free already just from DBing...so no rush on my end.
Like you say here, what does glimpse of OW change? Just more running behavior from him, but you already seem to be in a place where you are focusing on yourself and your kids--you've been there for a while, I believe. You feel free already, and sound it. So why would this necessarily change things for you? I mean, it would be perfectly fine if it did, but I don't think you have to feel like something is wrong if it doesn't.
Are you already on the path out, regardless of D? Are you feeling like maybe this has all encouraged you to begin to reconnect with those friends you were thinking about?
