Ending Limbo

[Core]

Then back to whiny punishing core because he can't get his way.

Which Core is more attractive?

Whining is the 2020 way to handle things. I dont want my fellow millennials to oust me from the group.

My abundance and IDGAF mindset I liken to soap in the shower. Hard to hold on to. Anything hard to get is worth it though.

Just out of curiosity Core, how many of us in IHS do you really think sat down and laid out a) that we were officially in an in house separation b) what the rules were/are or c) made the decision mutually? Like is this what you think is what's really happening in most of our households?

You're right, none of us here have IHS conditions or even out of home separation conditions that I know of.

I've seen this with LBWs far more than I do with LBHs but you have like this fantasy mind set of how things are supposed to be and you can't let it go. You get genuinely stuck in the idea of "If I do A according to the books and websites and podcasts W should do B." Or "In the books, websites, podcasts, this is how things are done why aren't we doing things that way"?

This is true. This I dont see as a changeable trait, its hard coded personality. I live by rules and boundaries as lame as that sounds. I cant chalk it up to anxiety.

And I'm with LH here you don't get your way whether it's directly by W or indirectly because this messy situation isn't going the way you want it to you only have 2 ways to deal with that punish W or spin.

I'm going to try complaining about this one last time. How do you commit to vows, be unsupportive of your spouse while theyre facing their trauma, have an affair while you have a child 6m or younger, then blame the spouse for it all, ask for a D, then sit on your A and do absolutely nothing except be a victim and rude person for the next 10 months?Compared to what many others have gone through, what W went through with me is a walk on the beach! By the time my parents were my age, my dad had been shot a few times, house broken in to, barely affording food. You know, real problems. Not only is this illogical and irrational, it makes no sense emotionally either. Ive wanted to write that out for awhile, I do know the answers to some of that and accept its not black and white. To your point, I'm still too weak to have the stuff bounce off me. Better but not where I need or want to be so I'm continuing the work.

I still think if sandi2 followed me, she'd advise I've been too nice here and that W needs consequences for her actions. W has no incentive to lift a finger and somehow she can just turn off her sex drive. Dried up like the Sahara. My resentment of her for all this builds daily as she strolls around like we were never married, like we arent currently married. I think I'm still a victim of Nice Guy Syndrome here pretending to be a family, allowing W to vent some problems to me, eating dinner and doing holidays together. So whats going to happen is resentful nice guy will explode and file for D. Assertive or Dbag guy isnt allowed to punish and the days I find peace with the sitch, Im wondering if thats just rationalizing.

I truly cant tell if things are getting a little better or I'm being used. Now I get for some, they played family and its working well. The difference being to me that works well on a man however on a woman it'll just lower respect. I can tell she still looks down on me (and most of the world). I can see it in those vengeful, judgemental eyes. Looking in them I sense shes got a connection straight to the man below and seemingly has not an ounce of empathy for me, or any men in this world. Just all the women in her life which are oddly avoidant victims as well. I'm going to get flack for all this, I know its my perception. Sometimes the gut it right. My brother looked in her eyes after an episode one time and immediately said to me, now I understand. I was on her side but i can see what youre dealing with.

I'm serious Core. I know you ignored me before, but I'm going to keep saying it. You need a new IC. If you can't be upfront and honest about things, and how much your anxiety colors your world, and how easily swayed by emotion you are on any given day, you need some one who can see the difference between reality and your emotionally fueled reality. You need some one who is going to challenge your thinking and mindset. You do not need a person who will continue to enable your behaviors and thought process and call it support.

He does an effective style which only 1 other counselor in town does. Im considering your advice here but I may ignore it.