I just want to say that I care about you and I'm worried about you. I wonder if you and your kids could go stay somewhere else for a week or two, like with a relative or a friend? I think this will give you the space you need to start to relax and figure out what is going on without having him in your face all the time, and with the underlying current of fear that his super erratic and mean behavior is generating. I think you need this in order to be the strong and stable parent like Wooba says.
It will also give him some space which he probably needs as well. If you want to think about it from a DB perspective, he can't miss you while you're there, and if seeing you every day is firing his anger neurons for whatever reason, removing your presence can only be a positive thing for your R.
(((BLUE))) Please keep updating us. Thinking of you.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
