Allison, your posts have been so helpful for me, too, and this one on anger is no exception. May, as always you are getting good advice. I’m glad you’re finding ways to take care of yourself—getting out of the house to grocery shop, yoga, honoring your feelings and continuing to be curious about them. Re: lashing out at your H, I think of what scout posted: “ Any effort spent trying to reason with anyone who is ego-driven is a waste of time.” I know it wouldn’t be totally reasoning with him, but it feels like it might be a waste of your energy. His logic is totally broken. He seems to know, kind of, he f-ed up but he doesn’t care right now, or isn’t ready to acknowledge his responsibility for the choices he’s made. He just wants everyone to be happy with what he’s doing so he can be happy. Do you think his probable response would be satisfying or more frustrating for you? Might it just drive him to self-pity mode again? If he did show remorse, as Allison said, would that just be in response to your anger but not truly felt? I think about how I used to want to scream at my H a lot of the time... ultimately I felt that any satisfaction for me would be short-lived, and none of what I was saying would really reach him anyway. Would it be helpful to post what you’d love to tell him here? People always suggest journaling these feelings, it seems, and that isn’t always fully satisfying either!
