So me and my wife have been together 12 years and have 3 wonderful kids together. Our relationship hasn't been an easy one, and it was my fault. I had not been the nicest partner throughout our time together, not all the time but the majority. Infidelity, arguing, being nasty, all the stuff that you can think. However I have grew up and have made lots of changes in myself.
We have split up about 4 or 5 times over the last few years, and even those times I can't say that I was ready to make any permanent changes to better our relationship. We were meant to be married and it all went downhill and we split up, but reconciled about 4/5 months later and decided we would fix things, which in my head we did, we got married and things seemed to be a lot better.
Since being married we have split up twice, which I struggle with. It feels like all the changes I should have made over the full course of the relationship I have made, I mean I am not perfect at all, but I recognise now the mistakes I made and can only apologise for them. That doesn't make them right, I know but I would like to not be judged continually on my past. People change, people learn from their mistakes.
So recently we decided we would try again, we were spending a lot of time together and again all seemed to be good. There was no pressure and we were smiling again. I had always kept saying"I love you" and she told me she wasnt ready to say that until she felt it again, which took about 1.5/2 weeks, but she started to say it again, started to wear her wedding ring again about another week down the line. We finally spoke about issues, plans for the future, budgets etc.
Then after 9 weeks, it just went wrong, it feels like out of no-where, it all just came crashing down. She feels like we were forced back together, tells me she doesn't love me and that her feelings wont change. She has said she is done and cannot try anymore, she has tried to much to make it work.
I made all the mistakes from the last time we broke up, begging, pleading etc, i should have known better as thats what pushed her away last time. She feels that she is unhappy and in my eyes is putting the full blame on our relationship. She wont really talk about anything about the relationship either, if ever I ask anything, she just tells me she has told me how she feels and I need to accept it.
I feel lost, so for the last 1.5 weeks I have again been trying to talk about why we should fix it, sometimes you don't realise how much pressure you are putting on someone until you look at it from outside. So I have stopped, its only been a few days, but not been messaging at all really apart from replying when its something urgent. Been not speaking about the relationship or putting any expectations on her.
We still live together for now, but she has spoke about me moving out saying we cant live together for ever, or until we get divorced. So I am a little lost about what I should do.
