Piecing Myself and Not My Marriage

[may22]

Hi Alison,

What Blu and Ginger are saying really resonates with me. "Effortless" DB-ing because that is where you are, authentically detached, calm, confident, knowing you are going to be OK no matter what.

The idea of your H pretending that he has to stay because you are too incompetent to manage on your own is truly too laughable for words. I actually snorted out loud reading that.

This whole time, the idea of detachment has felt unattainable. Like true enlightenment. I've felt whispers of it, even thought I got there once before, but I don't really think so. Maybe because the vets already got there and so are speaking from the other side, saying you need to come over here! Come! But the path is not clear or easy and the gulf between where I am now and where they are feels unbridgeable. Not to say I don't truly appreciate the support and the feedback-- I do, wholly-- but I am also really grateful to you, Alison, because I feel like I have seen you go through these stages here, you've been such and open and honest poster, and you've allowed me to travel along beside you and somehow knowing you have done it, you're there, makes it feel more possible to me. So-- thank you for that. It just clicked for me. Not that I have my path charted in front of me yet-- I don't-- but suddenly I feel like it is possible, not just a pipe dream. I can do this, because I watched Alison do it and I want to be like her.

You are also so good about boundaries and being willing to look at yourself to make major change, not just cosmetic changes like doing things you love, but also the things that were more difficult to sort through and see, like examining yourself for behaviors that were controlling and stopping them. And then sharing again with me how you did that and pointing out when I'm doing it too-- some of which I really am only figuring out now, all these months into the process-- again, thank you.

I'm glad you're doing so well and I'm glad you're here.

xx M