Newlywed and DB-ing (part 3)

[funbun]

Sounds like you're doing well over all. In addition to DB/DR, I recommend Mindful Attraction Plan. By the end its pretty helpful, its got pieces of DB, NMMNG, and lightly touches on a bunch of areas in life and gives tips to improve.

Thank you for the recommendation Core, currently reading NMMNG, but I'll definitely check out Mindful Attraction Plan.

The hope you have, and your predator instinct are reading things into her words that are not there. When I hear her say "I still have no feelings for you and your have done nothing." What I hear is "I still have no feelings for you and and there is nothing you can do."

Yeah, I am aware that I might be projecting my feelings into her words. I try not to read into it too much.

funbun, every time you have an interaction with her it sets you back. Next week, outside of the hearing, avoid her like the plague!!

I know right, every time I talk to her, I feel miserable afterwards. I should be smarter to know when to engage her and when to keep my distance.

My anxious attachment is the main thing I have to work on during this period. It stems from an abandonment wound that I developed from childhood. My parents weren't really the best when it comes to handling emotions and I often felt dismissed and neglected as a child. Always had to handle things on my own, no one was there when I needed them, and I always had to be a good child. All I wanted was someone to affirm me and make me feel heard.

Everything that WAW is doing right now is making that abandonment wound bigger and triggering an anxious response from me. I am scared. I am in pain. This is uncomfortable. I want someone to soothe these feelings, I want her to soothe these feelings. But she's won't, she can't and I shouldn't. I need to learn to soothe myself and fill in the void in my heart.

So, I am starting to see that DB-ing is not a battle between me and WAW. It's a battle between me and my anxious attachment. I grieve and am hurting, not because W is leaving me, I grieve because I feel that I am being abandoned again and I am scared of being alone. If I am able to overcome my anxiety, I will win. Maybe that will make WAW return, maybe not. Regardless, I won. I won against something that plagued me for most of my life and I will be better for it.

I can do this.