I am in a somewhat similar sitch as you. I'm separated with W in a PA, divorce mediation in process and I have a S11, and a S19.
I also used to think that W loved her children more than anything, but her ACTIONS since BD last July tell me that she's incapable of loving anyone but herself (if she can even do that) while she's in the tunnel. The kids feel the angst whether we see it or not. My advice is to choose to love yourself and your kids above all else right now, even with the temporary uneasiness and pain that will come with a decision to do so. We have no control over when (or if) our spouses emerge from their crisis. Until then, we owe it to everyone in our circle to live our best life.
