How do you stop thinking of him and OW together because it fills you with white hot rage you ask? YOU DO THINK ABOUT IT! I want you to think about it! I want you to be angry as h-ll about this! Heck, I am angry about it and Ive never even met him! May, this man has been jerking you around for soooo long -- jerking you all over the place and torturing you -- please, get angry! Because it is real and it is really happening and you could put a planet between them and it would still be real. The love he feels for her is all you need to know. It doesn't matter how close you think he is to you because he lives at home and plays house, or how far away she is, how often they talk, text, engage in phone s-x or s-x in real life, or any tangible detail. All those details don't matter. What matters is that he is thinking of her, he is wanting her, and therefore he is WITH her. She is the one. I am sorry that hurts, but that is the truth and it has been the truth for many years. In his mind and in his heart this is his truth and that is really all that matters. She is the one.
May, I feel like we are friends even tho I don't know you. And not just because we are in the scorned wives club. I have read so many of your words. You are intelligent, open-minded and forgiving. Part of the problem with that is you are spending a tremendous amount of time trying to understand something that is not to be understood. You do this here on the boards and you do this with him any time you engage in conversation with him. All of this is having the opposite effect and is keeping you more attached to him. Remember the DB basics? They are counter intuitive. You let them go to get them back. You only focus on yourself without them. It is that simple. You have never done that. You have put an infinite amount of energy into understanding this, into him/his process and then you explain/rationalize/justify. And round and round you spin.
I think you really need to keep it simple. You are not together, he is with her and so now you focus on you. The only energy worth expending is on yourself and your Rs with your kids. He and only he f-d up your M and family and that is for him to own. On his own. Everytime you engage in convo with him you take ownership and absolve him of some. It hurts. It is terrrble. And you should be angry! Once you allow some anger in, I think you can begin to face your reality. It wont be easy to move on as single mom and head of household, but you can do it. You will rock at it! Whatever choices he makes with himself and the kids is his to own now. I would not even worry about that now. ... It is time to let him go and move forward. There is a beautiful life ahead once you make this leap!
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
