The thing that really opened my eyes to H's racket was the way he talked about my being controlling. I sat with that for a long time.
I think there was some truth in it. I know I used my tears and feminine ways to get him to feel guilty and to stop doing things that I didn't like.
I know I also used to cry and get upset when I felt he wasn't giving me enough attention.
I think now, I get the fun and attention and love I need though GAL and my friends. And when he does things I don't like, I either communicate it to him or take action to remove myself from it.
So I think there's some truth - I did use my emotions to control him. And now I have stopped doing that, it is clear I did it because the ways he chose to act in our marriage were not acceptable to me. I controlled - or attempted to control - a situation that hurt me rather than getting strong and removing myself from it.
I think from his point of view, my objecting to his nonsense and then removing myself from the punishment is controlling - in that he doesn't get to do what he wants to do, which is to use his emotions (rage or self pity) to get me to do something he wants me to do.
We will see how this works out. He might be good at raging, but I'm much stronger and more thoughtful than he is - and I know full well I will be fine on my own. I really don't think he does know that, which is why he needs to pretend he's staying with me because I'm too incompetent to manage on my own. I think he knows I see that now.
