I discover H involved in an EA in the fall of 2019. He tells me that she is nothing to him, although he admits that their R instigated his deep exploration of our R and realization how unhappy he has been (total news to me... he has always been happy, loving, committed and connected up until this recent disclosure). He has recently entered into IC and feels like he has done a lot of work on himself and towards this decision.
He vacillates between wanting to make the marriage work and re-writing our history, telling me he isn't sure he was ever in love with me, although he does love me. We have had emotional separation, followed by physical separation, followed by a recent intense reconciliation, then a 180 back to the beginning again. I am exhausted and have been trying to keep balanced throughout it all. H is super sensitive, anxiously attached and has a lot of childhood trauma. So going NC, or even treating him like the friendly neighbor has had the opposite effect in my sitch. He sees it as more of the same treatment from me (I struggled with depression, now medicated and working on it, SSM, struggled to keep my balance between having 4 kids and building a successful business that required a lot of work travel for H). I checked out of the marriage at various points, as did he.
At this moment, he believes he will be happier without me, but he is scared to pull the trigger. I don't want a D. I am so grateful for this board and the support.
