I am finding your thread so refreshing. When you read the DB rules, and I mostly mean Sandi's rules, they reflect a position of calm, confidence and detachment. It is really hard right after BD to access that. Because we are emotional and spinning. That is why we all come to this site, but we struggle. You are finally reaching a place of indifference and almost apathy and so you are naturally executing these rules, almost effortlessly. I think it's awesome that you are standing up to him and then disengaging and blocking him because he is acting ridiculous. You are in essence teaching him how you will allow him to treat you. And he will learn! Watch him learn (and I say that to all the readers that are spinning and struggling, This is not magic but it is basic human psychology)
I loved Scouts reply.
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Alison, there is a theory that cheaters, narcs, and abusers have three mindf*ck channels - rage, charm, and self-pity.
Here is my quick thought on that for you, May, and my previous WH and how they cycled through these channels. lol
Alison's H -- Rage, self-pity, rage May's H -- Self-pity, charm, self-pity Blu's prev H -- Self-pity, self-pity, self-pity
I am partly joking here, but I also see some truth to it. Either way, I am not sure how much it matters. Because our response should be the same in each scenario -- Calm, confidence, detachment. I see you are there. I also read you saying you feel you wasted a lot of time. .... May, I see you might be stuck in not being able to detach part .... all the posting, rationalizing and conversations with him could very well be having the opposite effects ...
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
