A peaceful weekend. Weather terrible - not the nice summer warm rain I was hoping for or imagining but real howling winds and cold showers. I was out in it a lot anyway and it was wonderful.
H very calm and respectful. I appreciate us being able to get on with things in the house more or less amicably. He's sleeping elsewhere, and I appreciate that too. There was one moment where I asked him if he knew where something was, and he didn't answer, but said, 'you're the one who always misplaces things - last week you couldn't find your shoes...' and it was so ridiculous. I laughed and said, 'I'm not asking for your opinions about me or a rehash of whatever minor character flaw examples you can find. It's boring. I am asking you if you have seen the extension cable.' I am not sure it does the marriage much good - me consistently challenging him on these deflections, power plays, defensiveness, etc - I don't have any expectation he will stop doing it or it will make him see the error of his ways. I don't really care about that. It makes me feel better - makes me feel I have more of a voice - and as I genuinely don't care if he takes it in good humour or sulks for a couple of days, and as I already have a plan in place to deal with him quickly if he attempts to escalate, there's no real downside for me.
I still feel very calm. I can't say that I don't have some hope that my standing up for myself a bit more and speaking my truth in more respectful ways - while perhaps not good DB-ing - is something that is needed in piecing and that perhaps it will help us find a way through this. But at the moment I don't think that is likely and I am more curious than actually hopeful, if that makes sense.
He was fine this weekend, anyway, and he's working all the hours there are this week so I don't expect to have anything unpleasant to deal with.
