He isn't an angry alien because you haven't consistently said no to him. My H is only a sulky, ranty, unattractive baby when he isn't getting what he wants, which is my compliance. I am capable of compromise and compassion, but not at the expense of my self respect. When I stand my ground, he turns into the type of angry alien you're talking about. Now your H may be different, but how will you ever know?
The one thing I've learned over the past year or so is that love means accepting someone's no - and being loved means experiencing someone accepting yours. It's the fundamental truth of boundaries.
Say no, calmly and consistently, and see what happens. No to R talks, no to nursing him through whatever he feels like calling his cheating, no to proving you're not all the things he claims he is worried you are, no to accepting the fall out from his infidelity, no to taking the blame for his actions and no to keeping his filthy little affair a secret.
He'll either start treating you with respect or you will find it extremely easy to divorce him.
