Sage, I'm sorry that you're going through this. R talks at this point usually will lead to more heartbreak. I understand the need to sort things out and wanting to understand what the heck your H is thinking, but maybe he doesn't even know himself. He is even asking YOU to leave him.
Like you said, you can't work on the M alone. It takes two committed people. Your H obviously isn't one of them right now. You are asking for four months from a person who already told you he wants to D. You have to let go of the expectation that H will consider/honor your feelings, and that he will give it his best shot before deciding to D.
Once it was clear to me that I couldn't count on my H anymore to show up to gatherings with friends/family or family activities, I started to actively count him out. If he is not committed, I'd recommend eliminating that variable in your life as much as possible. Children will get used to that kind of consistency of dad not showing up.
Put your children first. Whether you guys stay married or not, the children need a stable environment. Try to give that to them to the best of your abilities.
