1 I recognize this as his truth... his viewpoint and feelings... but I never once in 10yr issued an ultimatum. For one they never work and I always knew how H hated them.
I assume this is just the generalized anger that he has to burn thru??? I of course did nothing to defend or argue his statement because I did not want to invalidate how he feels.
2 I guess I do see your point that he is questioning "why now am I changing" to point out to me he is no longer interested in me being any different or better... there is some sting there but it's from "no longer interested " and not from the work I have been doing.
I clearly need to change how I approach and interact with someone I love. I didn't get married to inflict hurt on someone. Frankly i have admitted to falling into micromanaging everything... why??? I thought I was helping. I never saw it saying that I don't respect you. Add in a new puppy and all that micromanaging I was overwhelmed and exhausted and burnt out
I was failing at managing the budget. I was pulling away from my H. I felt terrible in my own skin. I made an $800 purchase without discussing with my H... and my H would have never in a million years spent $200 without discussing first.
I swear I was so close to asking my H for help. To sit down and look at the bills together. To reasses what we really needed and to divide up more chores or change them... but he pulled the plug first.
Yes, I said that I wanted more help and yes I confessed to the purchase which he was none to pleased solely because he would have never done that to me but he easily forgive me... .mostly because he was already done at that point.
So I clearly need to make these changes for myself. The work is hard and painful and sometimes riddled with what ifs had I had been working on this before???
I'm not interested in manipulating my H back. If he came back I would want it to be because he realized he does miss me and wants to forge a new and better life... not because he felt his parole had been revoked.
I'm not contacting him. Zero expectations about the party. I have not ever asked for his help with moving S18 despite his repeated offer.... I will not remind him... I will not as for his help.
