Finding and living compassionate indifference

[may22]

Hi Cardinal,

Was it Insecure you were watching? We watched that episode together too, right around the end of when things were going well. it was a crazy intense episode. And what happens afterwards.

Reading what you just wrote made me think of how H might have been interpreting that same scene, thinking of it in terms of AP. Wow. We still haven't watched the last episodes of this season, we ended it on that one and haven't watched TV together since. It is so interesting how a TV show can stir so many emotions in those of us watching, from so many different places, with so many different expectations or visions of possible futures still out there.

Sorting through our own thoughts and feelings is such a challenging enterprise, especially with so many different things in the way before you can even get to them. For me, fear-- both for myself and for my children, which get put into different buckets; loss; grief; expectations; stubbornness; impatience. Loss of control. I always like visiting your thread because it feels like an oasis of calm, to me. I don't know if you perceive it that way, but it is how it feels to me. I imagine you in your garden or baking, serene, kind, compassionate. Doing your thing. I wish that for myself so much.

I am feeling lost the last few days. Not strong or calm or empowered. Just kind of beaten down. I will go out and work on my vegetable garden and try to channel some Cardinal. We have a red cardinal that has started coming by. I'll look for him.

xoxo