KC You seem like a sweetheart of a woman. I really like you from what you post. If we knew each other in real life I’d go have a margarita (or 2) with you any day and I know we’d have a great time.
The hardest thing I had to do was look in the mirror and accept my faults. My place in what happened in my marriage. It would be easy for me to say she’s a complete trash can of a human being and I didn’t deserve this etc. However, I worked to much. I was absent mentally and emotionally. (This caused me to miss the abuse of my children), and I was utterly obsessed with my STBXW. It wasn’t healthy at all. I had to listen to my children tell me they weren’t sure I’d believe them if they told me what they dealt with. And looking in the mirror, and being 100% honest with myself. They were completely justified in their fears. And that’s a hard truth.
My first IC was insistent I work on the marriage. Have her back and basically wait like a puppy at the door for her to come home. He even suggested my kids were lying about their mom because they were mad at her. This therapist was unhealthy as heck for me. And I was turned off to it. But I gave it another shot, found the therapist of my dreams and have made more progress talking to her in a few weeks than I did for a few months. Food for thought.
We all become invested in these sitchs we post in. I don’t say what I say out of malice. I say what I say because between thread 1 and 17 there isn’t to much progress. If any at all.
You do tend to blow people off who say things you don’t like or agree with. I get it. I truly do. It’s hard when we feel criticized or we feel like people don’t truly understand how we feel. They aren’t us right? Every person and every sitch is different. But that doesn’t mean the road to being happy is that much different.
We divorce bust for a few reasons. #1 because if our marriages don’t work out, than we’ll be ok anyway. We’ll be happy and content with ourselves. We’ll find our self worth. We’ll find our true value as a human, spouse and parent. With or without our current spouses. #2. You ever been somewhere public a seen a man that just had charisma? Was obviously incredibly confident and the life of the party? I guarantee you noticed him. That’s what DBing helping us all become. And the consequence of us becoming that is our spouses will notice us too. #3 when you find your true value as a person you’ll have a decision to make about your spouse. And even if you don’t your next relationship will be so much better.
You’re 51, obviously intelligent, look 35 and can handle yourself financially without help. To me you sound like quite a catch! And as a stranger, if I notice this, why wouldn’t your H? It’s his loss. You take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. And love yourself. You deserve better than to be pining for a man who has cheated, left and is now living with another woman. You really truly do.
We all have your back here. We all have your best interest at heart. We are all trying to help. And I get it, sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. A perfect example for me is Ginger. She posted in my thread, honestly straight pi$$ed me off and didn’t wanna hear it. But ya know what? She has been spot on in every way. And now that I’m in a better place emotionally and mentally ill never truly be able to tell her how much I appreciate her.
KC, find your worth. Stop worrying about your H and what he’s doing and what you can do to get him back. Get the best version of you back first and everything else will fall into place the way it’s suppose too. Even if that means you are divorced and single. It’s not the worst thing in the world.
And hey if you are ever in Pennsylvania lmk, I owe you a margarita (or 2). Lol. Seriously take care of yourself.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
