Positive response It’s good you realize you were micromanaging and displayed controlling behavior. It’s good you realize you need to make yourself happy.
The not positive response and I mean this in the kindest way possible.
You’re still doing the exact same behaviors. Nothing’s changed. You still trying to control him with kindness and temptations. You still refuse to take the advice from anyone on here. You still think this is all about your H and getting him back. It’s not. It just isn’t. It’s about making you the best version yourself. And until you do it for you, these behaviors won’t be real. They won’t be sustained and your marriage would just crumble again over time. You need to learn to be happy with you. Be happy by yourself. Have confidence and real self esteem that’s not tied to someone else. Would it be wonderful if he had an awakening? Yeah sure, but it’d be even sweeter if you did. There’s a reason LBS divorce bust the right way, the true way and their spouses want to come back and the LBS doesn’t take them.
The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result. I’m not saying your crazy. Far from it. You’re obviously heart broken and stuck. And we all feel for you. We can feel your pain in your words. But you’re in a rear wheel drive car stuck in mud pit and you can’t stop smashing the accelerator.
Sorry if that was your take away from my post.
I realized 4 months ago that my issues with my self esteem were MY ISSUES to work through - I've made huge progress.
I'm not just sitting an pining here for my H. Yes, I've struggled with the demise of my M and seeing the role that I played. I've struggled alot seeing where some of my issues caused a great deal of pain with my H and he was suffering for some time before BD while I'm suffering the aftermath. If I just stuff it down and don't really work through it I will never be able to come out the other side. I've looked at what triggers my breaking NC and in hindsight wished I would not have done so... but all I can do is move forward.
I just spent the last 3hr with an issues from H3LL. I managed to forget having left my sunroof open and it down poured for 3 hours. YES, parts of my vehicle had 4" of standing water in it. It would not start. I started texting my guy friends and friend who's H is a mechanic looking for how to get this car with a wet ignition to start. In its current location with on going rain it wasn't going to dry out there.
Who is the biggest car guru I know??? Who didn't I call/text??? My H.
I did manage to get the car to start and its currently being dried out which could be a several day process... there's about 1 1/2" of water in the roof still pouring into the vehicle... (((At least I didn't cry...)))
I realize that I've not been moving on very fast -- but I disagree that I'm stuck. If it bothers you that I say wouldn't it be nice IF but I realize its mostly a too little to late issue - that's on you. I can still move forward, have a life and have hope.
I apologize that I’ve offended you. That was not my intent. I’ll stop posting in your sitch. I certainly didn’t want you to get this worked up. I’m was just trying to point out what so many others have as well. Seriously good luck and I hope everything works out great for you.
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
