I was wondering why you never seemed to respond to people suggesting therapy. Sorry to hear about the bad experience.
I guess my question for you is where do you go from here? Is the goal to read as many books about being a better partner and pray your H comes back?
My goal is to understand what caused me to pull away from my H last fall ---- I've come to a good understanding of that dynamic and I've realized despite how bad I was feeling inside and trying to get my H to understand it was always my job to take care of me (ie... get off my arse and get busy).
I fell into micromanaging EVERYTHING - that's exhausting... throw in a new puppy and I was overwhelmed and sleep deprived AND had fallen into a poor self image/esteem due to weight issues. HOLY COW. I thought I was being helpful... I was the good wife because I was doing it all but resentful that I wasn't being appreciated for it???
I'm understanding my H's anger was from pain... his W had pulled away from him leaving him feeling rejected. I'm understanding that control comes from fear -- what was I fearing??? That no one would do it as good as me??? or like me??? That's dumb - my kids and my H were very capable. Did they fold the laundry like me? Did S18 keep his closet as i would? No and No... but no one died!!! And look at what I gave up my making it my way.... really look what I gave up... time and intimacy with my H.
Understanding what my controlling behavior said to my H ---- I don't respect you.... UGH??? REALLY??? I just had everyone's best interest at heart... if I do this and you don't have too I'm doing something wonderful for you... CRAP.
While I may not be doing IC I am looking at ways to give up this "control" because up until my H was in a PA I totally respected and admired this man. What would a wife do that would show she did respect her H? or even the other people in her life.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if I did all of this and it caused an awakening in my H???
But, I accept that when he stated in Feb it was all too little too late that that sentiment hasn't changed. All I can do is keeping moving forward and learn how to handle (with help from here) any contact or moves he makes in my direction if there are any.
