Is this the safe-place-to-land thing, or the friendly neighbor thing, or is this just me trying to be compassionate but indifferent, uninvolved in his life but still here because I live here? What am I trying to unspool? There's some discomfort. Is it still some hurt that I am willing to go on being my kind self for him, but he isn't able to do that for me, or he is, but only selectively? Hmm. I'm trying to get at something here, but I don't quite know what it is yet.
You cannot find the answers because your focal point is still external - him - rather than internal: YOU.
It's a really painful and scary thing to take the focus off of him, and put it squarely on you, but I've found that the path to healing lies in doing just that.
D has it right about expectations. They are a b!@tch. Remove any thoughts of getting anything in return. What you give out in compassion or kindness or courtesy is a gift you give yourself and those around you. It is absolutely none of your business what anyone, especially your H, does with those gifts. Would it be nice to receive it in return from the object of your compassion? Yes, but so much better to get compassion from yourself.
Put another way, loving kindness and compassion are not about indifference but about detachment, and detachment is the key to serenity.
The Buddhists know this, or there would not be a Metta practice.
Here's another clue: to excel at life, one must search for and meditate on loving kindness. the download will be there. I hope you understand what I'm saying. Keywords and google are your friend.
xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
