DB is about slowing things down and giving it time... BUT ultimately every LBS who is trying to slow down D to give the sitch more time is in a way controlling their S .
Actually not even close.
DB is about taking the focus off the spouse and putting all the focus on yourself and your children. It's about getting out and reconnecting with old friends, restarting old hobbies or getting new ones. It's about working on yourself and making changes you want to make for you to become a better version of yourself. Its about giving them time and space to let them deal with their own issues. It's about creating a compelling vision on how you want to spread the rest of your life. If that attracts them back then great, its a decision you will have to make at that point. If it doesn't then that's ok too.
All your posts are 100% about getting your husband back. I know you have a son but the only thing I know about him is that he has a graduation party that you begging your H to go to it and your H pays his car. You are working out and lost 23 pounds for showing off in front of your H. You do your knitting and knitted him a sweater. Its all 100% focused on getting your husband back.
You are on a DB forum and you get advice from Steve85, AS, Thornton, Ginger, Job all who have seen 100s if not 1,000s of sitches and they all give you the same advice. Leave him alone. Move forward. Detach. Yet you end up going against the advice and do what you feel is right. That is very narcissistic.
POINT TAKEN
Thank you for the truth bombs.
As for S18 he is a teenager and is also very selfish as he should be at this age and completely normal. His friends are the the most important thing in his life right now. He needs to find out who he is. I've done a great job of raising him and part of doing that is letting go when needed. Yes, I'm connected to him but I'm also letting him establish self government - setting his own schedule but also holding him accountable for house hold chores and like every teen I get those eye rolls from time to time. Now if it weren't for COVID we would have gone to dinner or a movie occasionally but still not possible. He does come seek me out and vice versa to discuss work and recent obligations.
What I do NOT want is my son to go to college and worry about his mom being alone at home. THAT is not cool. I don't want him feeling I have nothing to do because I was doing everything with him prior to him leaving. He needs to forge his way in the world knowing that I am here but I am not his responsibility. I'm sorry if it comes across that I'm neglecting him - he would tell you I'm not.
H just opened up his soul this morning in the longest text he has ever written me in 10yr---- It was his truth of the relationship. He ended it with asking "if this makes sense"
It made perfect sense.
My goal this weekend is to disconnect from everything for 48hr. No computer, No phone - which sadly can't be 100% since I need to be able to stay in contact with S18 but I will not be on FB, etc.
