No changes on WAW - Pack_19 Part II

[Pack_19]

Diary entry,

I had a BD party yesterday from a female friend from university. There were plenty of 29sh women to talk to and I used the chance to see how I am doing with my regained confidence. Problem is most of them are on their way to M or pregnant so I used the night to enjoy some casual conversation about mundane topics with these friends.

I talked to a friend about how W has brought up D via her L without talking to me and he reassured me that nothing has changed as far as I am concerned. He said most of our common friends believe W has a distorted view on our relationship and he encouraged me to continue to view this L to L conversation as a business transaction.

I the afternoon I talked to W, I told her I will prepare a response for her petition but this is not what I want. She told me I have not changed a bit and since she knows she cannot be happy with me she will not come back to me despite the pain she feels that their children do not have their dad under the same roof. She told me she has made many sacrifices for me by coming to live to the UK and Germany with me, leaving behind friends and family so that I could have the jobs I wanted and on my side I did the basis of what every father does, stop spending money in hobbies and going out and instead providing money for the family. She said that until I cannot understand and agree with her views she cannot talk to me about anything else than the kids. I told her I know I failed as a husband in many aspects but I cannot repair the damage I have done if I cannot even talk to her and she reaffirmed how I have been unfair by finding a second L behind her back instead of talking to her about shared custody and the fact that I know live in the same city as her.

I asked her if then D is the plan since we cannot have a cordial conversation about us and she said right now is what we are doing and she is not willing to have a conversation about us. I am very lost right now, I dont know if I need to move on from all the harm and emotional abuse or if I need to ignore D and keep my GAL activities as a fight for my marriage.

What is the right thing to do now? Down the line in 10 years time, when I look at my children I want to be proud of whatever I choose to do now? How does a man who firmly believes in the vows of his marriage and the value of his family react to a wife who just wants to blame and divorce him?

I am sick of receiving ignorance and disrespect from her. I talked to some women yesterday and you can instantly feel some level of joy and admiration when I was listening to their stories about work, covid, moving back to Seville and other things. It was a good night, I laughed and made others laugh. I hope there are many more of those to come.

Today back to work on my certification, some weight lifting, running and eating healthy. I spend a lot of time thinking about how D, despite the most likely, was never the outcome I expected deep in my heart. I guess I will have a couple of days to grieve and then go back to my GAL. Please dont be too harsh on me, I am not scared of D anymore, it is just the pain it causes in my soul to think that my W is so determined to break our commitment to each other.