He’s manipulating you because he senses your weakness. The desperate move that you made even though we warned you a dozen times that it wouldn’t is now coming back to haunt you. You hold firm and he says “see you’ve learned nothing from those books”. You cave and he gets his money and Ds you anyways.
Please I am begging you to not spin on the “why change now?”
Yup I opened up my own S*it Sandwhich. I should have kept my mouth closed and I would be having a quiet peaceful evening.
I realize the "why change now" is rhetorical. He is angry.
When I spoke to him last night I was not angry. I will not engage angry.
I apologize for what I said. I heard you loud and clear. I will respect your privacy and I ask the same in return. I will no longer contact you unless absolutely necessary and I request that our communication only happen via email.
KC
Then leave him alone and live your life.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
I slept pretty well - given I hadn't slept in 2 days made that a little easy.
I'm very surprised that H has not contacted again since not getting a response.
I'm sitting on my hands. I so badly want to tell him - "I hear you"
He felt I never listened to him and it was a big complaint. I want to let him know he is heard.
I'm glad I sat on my hands because your first instinct is to defend yourself. I don't ever want to say anything that is defensive again. I'm done with that.
I'd like to apologize that he is upset about this --- I will apologize for his feelings but not for my actions.
"I hear you. I apologize how this situation is upsetting you."
Let's face it - I'm reading self help books on how to be a better wife/person... not how to do a D. He apparently does not get that.
I opened this can by starting the conversation the night before. I figured he didn't bother to read my long text and wasn't interested in what I wrote. But, he stewed on it all day.
I get it. This isn't about myself and my H - there is a 3rd party that this is about too. He can't take her on a trip with him to see SS20 because he is paying for timeshare and car and can't access the 24K.
He had 1/2 of our emergency fund - My half is still tucked away but I assume he has burned through his.
Have at it Kk. I’m guessing this was a problem in the marriage. You don’t listen and you do what you want to do driven by fear. Fear is never a driver of good decisions. Apologize tell him you hear him and feel his pain. Give him his money and watch when he laughs his way to the bank. At least then the guilt will be gone.
You are so gonna regret reading through your threads years from now.
1) I was afraid of him moving on - control the money, control my H. Well he has already moved on. 2) I'm afraid of not being able to take care of myself financially... that's still a work in progress.
Fear one has happened. Fear 2... this is why I'm still controlling the money.
