I am happy today too. I went out last night and was talking with my friend in her garden until quite late. It was such a lovely evening - really warm and bright - so there was no need to worry about not being able to go inside. We didn't really talk about my M or kids - just her life, our work, plans for future work and mutual friends. It was so lovely. I'm going to go more of this - zoom and skype are just not the same. No thunderstorms as yet, but perhaps this evening?
H was up when I got back, very nice and cordial. No mention of his ranty texts and emails from the morning. This morning there was a tiny bit of conflict: Eldest had done all his chores, but Youngest hadn't. I asked H about this - in case Youngest was sick or being a pain in the %$$ about it, and he said that Youngest was too young to do the chore (that he had wanted him to do earlier in the week.) I said, 'we didn't agree that, and it doesn't make sense as it is the chore you asked her to do yourself last week. I will get her to finish it off this morning.' (It was a 5 minute thing). The difference between the way H treats our children is not appropriate and I will not participate in that.
He stomped off to work, then started with the texts again (I unblocked him last night when I went out in case of emergency with the kids). I just replied simply: 'We can come to an agreement on the matter of chores and responsibilities for the kids though an adult conversation tonight if you want to. And if you don't want to, that's totally fine with me. But I am not going to do this now and over text and when you're attempting to give me instructions rather than open a discussion.'
He carried on with a few more texts - getting a bit ranty and accusing me of undermining him (as I have no idea what his decision was, it isn't possible for me to undermine it) so I blocked him again without replying. I'm not going to explain the boundary to him again. PEACE.
These are petty silly things, these skirmishes over which kid does what and when they do it. I think he's trying to have some kind of power struggle, or he wants to provoke me into being angry or upset because I'm easier to control when I'm desperate for peace and his approval at any cost. I also think he's having a hard time when I speak up for myself. I also think this is extinction behaviour - like when you give a child a boundary and they UP the poor behaviour for a while in order to test it before they accept you mean business and start behaving better. I don't want to think of him as a child, but this behaviour is childish and will be treated as such. Perhaps he'll get used to me respectfully disagreeing and offering a rational conversation sooner or later. I don't have much hope for that.
Youngest did the chore very happily and without any fuss this morning, so there's no problem there. I have a class (online) tonight this evening so no need to hang out with Sulky McBeer.
