The other experiment I'm going to try over the next couple of days (tell me if you think this is a bad idea) is instead of inputing the best possible motive to everything he says or does... like I normally do... I'm going to imagine it comes from the worst motivation possible. So, the acts of service, the compliments (ugh, Pommy, I got another one last night when I got home-- that bathing suit looks really nice on you, eye roll), trying to get me to laugh, etc.-- just him trying to make sure he keeps the may option stable and open so he keeps the power seat. The R/AP talk-- simply unacceptable, trying to guilt/goad/box me into making the decision for him by kicking him out or browbeat me into agreeing to his ridiculous fantastical threesome, and even listening to that garbage is validating him in some way.
I like this idea a lot. One thing I did in my sitch was start thinking about all the possible reasons my W was doing a certain thing. Pretty quickly I concluded I could not mind-read her, so I was wasting my time.
The compliments, etc. are incredibly manipulative.
Your H is a WAH. Except rather than walking away like most WAS's, he wants to keep you around as part of his preposterous unrealistic fantasy. So he's complimenting you, doing acts of service, mashing your buttons (again), just enough to placate you so he can continue down this road.
He also knows he can accuse you of being controlling as a way to engage in R talks.
