Riding the Wave 3

[may22]

Hi Wayfarer,

I think you're being really smart to let it be. I wish I had.

That being said... I have a question for you. I feel like you and I came to a similar situation with similar personality types around patience and control and difficulties with the same behaviors in our Hs. And maybe our Hs have some similarities as well in terms of them needing to process all this on their own, etc etc. But I also think we somehow approached the actual reality of the situation -- H "in love" with another person, living in the house, carrying on an A-- and our expectations for the future from a totally different perspective. You have been able to believe to your core that he is walking, and therefore you get thrown when he leans in. I always believed to my core that H wouldn't walk, and therefore get thrown when he reverses course, and probably dropped my DBing way too early. How do you do this? How did you truly drop all your expectations and just live in the now? I know you have a deadline of a year and plan Bs set in place, and you know you're doing what is in the best interest of your Ds, especially his biological D. You've made the decision to be there and not kick him out through all of this for totally logical and unemotional reasons. But in the day to day, how do you keep your expectations so free and live day to day with him leaning in more and more and more?

I'm also really interested in Cardinal's question, because as you both know, I started to have a really difficult time dealing with my own anger and sadness about the A on my own and felt I needed H's participation to heal. How are you working through this?

xoxo you are the best, WF. I heart you so much.