Checking in again All moved into my apartment, what a world of difference it has made! Being out of the house that I was 'left behind' in, it really helps to release a lot of the negative/sad feelings. I told my IC that I wouldn't say I was depressed there but I feel so much better being in my own space and she said there is a thing called situational depression that could have been contributing to it. Here in my safe space there is no trace of H, I feel like a protective bubble is around me.
I've processed through most of the GF situation, it was very hurtful to find out about it but it just reminds me how terrible of an idea it is to jump into a new relationship. We haven't even started paperwork so any woman that is comfortable being in a relationship with H when he is married still, well sounds like they are cut from the same cloth lol. I would never dream of being in a relationship with a man that still had loose ends to clean up.
I want to be healed and emotionally healthy before I start a new relationship because I have a feeling I am a serial monogamist. I've only ever been in one serious relationship and that was with the person I was married to for two decades. I can't see myself wanting to start a relationship with someone that I didn't feel like I had long term potential with. So my goal is to make sure I'm okay and healed before I open myself up to that next person. And also, I need to learn who I am as an individual and not an extension of another person.
I've found myself detaching even more, I feel like he is texting me more lately and if it is in regard to kiddos I will respond but otherwise I'm choosing not to. He offered me up an item from the house today (because he moved back in when I moved out) and I decided not to respond. I want him to be fully aware that this choice he made of walking away doesn't means he doesn't get to have a relationship with me outside of coparenting.
I genuinely think that he thinks he gets to have his cake and eat it too, that I will be single forever and still take care of organizing and handling the stuff for the kiddos and he will get to run around and live his little best life. Not Plan B exactly but still be the person to be responsible for the things he doesn't want to be responsible for. I want him to understand the full depth of his actions, that you walked away from all facets of relationship with me. We aren't going to be friends and I don't have to hold up some end of a bargain that I didn't make to make him feel less guilty or feel better about the situation.
He had the nerve to say I was dragging my feet on the D after he asked me several times if I was going to file (I had ignored the previous times) and I said, "Are you asking me to file the divorce YOU asked for?" I was thinking, Buddy, its time to clean up your own mess, you wanted this, you have to work for it.
But with that said, I've seen it written in here before, I feel like I'm going to be the one pushing paperwork. Funny how things work out.
All moved into my apartment, what a world of difference it has made! Being out of the house that I was 'left behind' in, it really helps to release a lot of the negative/sad feelings. I told my IC that I wouldn't say I was depressed there but I feel so much better being in my own space and she said there is a thing called situational depression that could have been contributing to it. Here in my safe space there is no trace of H, I feel like a protective bubble is around me. 