DB'ing while living in with a WAS/MLC husband

[BlueSea]

Be brutally honest with yourself. You already know the truth and whether you have to leave....

Spiral - I know the truth - its my execution that has problems. I can not leave. That just is.

And don't be too hard on yourself for "mucking" things up. You didn't muck anything up. Your situation is an extremely difficult one and it is hard to extricate yourself emotionally from someone like your husband. But it is important that you try.

Thanks for that Spiral, I beat up myself a lot - on the knowing what to do - but failing to do it. I am trying to extricate myself emotionally, it is hard, he plays me well. This morning I was greeted with a warm hug, came all the way to my room to do so - he knows he has to put some breadcrumbs out - he senses I am feeling broken/down.

So it is important to realize that while he feels that way right now, it can change in the future. The way you help that along to DB! GAL, 180s, and detachment. I cannot stress enough how much those three helped in my situation. The more I recaptured the guy I was when we met, the more I self-improve and became a better version of myself, and the more I acted "as if", didn't react emotionally to her words and deeds, and embraced moving on and her moving on........the more she slowly but surely started to come around.
Trust the process.

Steve - Trust the process - yes, I will. The answer is and always is: GAL, 180s, and detachment. Rinse, repeat. I make things more complicated. I think I know better. Sometimes I think I have a shortcut. Clearly not. I will trust the process. thanks for being that guiding light.

May First off, thank you for your kindness - for the questions:
Is there anyone IRL that you can talk to? A friend or family member who you trust? Do you have an IC?
No, no one knows - the anonymity here makes it possible for me to share.
No IC. That well is too deep.

Is there somewhere you can go for a few days to get a bit of space? If it is too hard to think of it like leaving him, maybe framing it to yourself like you just need some space and/or a break can allow you to get out of the house?
I am happy here. I know what you are suggesting is a good idea. I have small pleasures here that I enjoy and need - walking the yard, sitting by the fountain in the sun, bumping into pets along the way.
I know he should be the one to go - having that actually happen seems to destroys the possibility of a future of how our family used to be, and that is what my heart is holding on to so hard - even though my head knows that's all gone.

Are your worried about your children at all?
I always worry how this will affect them.

Would it help to think of your H like he is on drugs and not the same person as the one you married?
Yes. I do try to think of him as special needs, and that helps in my interaction with him actually.

I really, really think you need to get all firearms out of your house ASAP. Violent, erratic behavior and guns do not mix.
Yes. I need to do that. He knows where they are all at and that is the only problem.

I am safe May - thank you for caring!!!

Some questions:
What do you do when they threaten to leave?
What do you do when they are outright lying to you?
What do you do when they want to hug and you just dont?
What do you do when they are being rude and crossing a boundary? (like being mean)
How do you respond to gas lighting?

thank you!!